The two of us.
Nobody else.
I feel like I've been hiding away, trying to reserve all these good feelings and happy moments to myself. To only savor them with TBG.
I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because we've had so little time to ourselves over the last 17 years since we started having kids. Perhaps it's because we have had so little of things that are "ours"...for just the two of us lovers.
In fact, for so many years I feel we forgot that we were lovers. And that's sad. Hindsight is 20/20, you know. I wish I could go back and change things, start DD at least 10 years earlier, maybe more. But, alas, I cannot. We can only go forward. And I am determined that forward is full of "our thing" as TBG calls it. I think he is determined for that to happen, too. Which makes me just squirm in delight.
I haven't had any more spankings after the first two. Oh, a couple of little love taps here and there while we are being frisky. But no real spankings. I wish I could say it's because I've been such a good girl (and don't you know I just melt when he calls me that?). It's been busy for TBG around here so I think there just hasn't been time. But I'm getting antsy over it.
I don't feel I purposely do things to require a spanking. However, I do need guidance and to sometimes be reminded that I'm not in charge. Because boy, oh boy, give me an inch and I'll try for a mile on the control issue! My lovely friend Ella advised me to talk to TBG about it. I did bring it up the other night, while I was laying next to him in the dark. (It's always so much easier to ask for a spanking in the dark) I told him that I didn't want to feel I was pushing him into it, because it's his decision and I trust him. But then I got to thinking about how I conveniently reminded him a couple of times in the last week or so that I hadn't been spanked. So, there I was trying to control our dynamic already. Sigh.
And yet, I NEED that reminder spanking. I'm starting to feel like I need something weekly. I can tell you that I know by about 10 days I'm feeling anxious and ready. I can feel the old me try to creep back in. And I don't want that! I would honestly rather sit on a hot seat for a day and be reminded of his love and dedication to us than to let any of the old me creep back in.
Because I can tell you, it's been lovely here. So full of intimacy, love, sexiness, peace, joy, safety, and contentment. All wrapped up in one. I've said to a couple of blogger friends that it's like I'm falling in love all over again. And this new dynamic we have is just what I need, so I definitely don't want the old Maggie showing up!
But I'm still not sure TBG gets the need I have for a spanking yet. And I don't want to badger him. Other than that, it's nearly been idyllic. It's that missing piece, that rosy, hot bottom, which brings me back to center. How do I ask for it without sounding pushy? Or not make him feel like he's doing something wrong? Or that I'm not trying to control things...even though I probably am? Gah. And then to even ask for one? Yikes, I can barely talk about it with the lights out sometimes, lol.
Hopefully this last piece of the puzzle will fall in place soon.
