Let's get this party started....or, something like that.

So, I never expected to be doing this....blogging.  I mean, who would want to read my crazy, rambling thoughts?  I'm nobody special...just a regular Midwestern girl with a husband and 2 kids.  I don't do anything cool like surf 40 foot waves, snowboard at 3am in the morning, or collect stamps.  I just work, take care of my family, and act as a taxi for said kids.  You know what else I didn't expect?  To ask my husband of over 18 years to infuse our marriage with Domestic Discipline.  Yeah.  Never saw that one coming!

We've always had a good marriage, full of love and laughter along with the occasional bumps in the road.  We even communicated rather well.  Or, so I thought, up until one day a few years ago (when it felt like the world was falling on our shoulders) when we had a true heart-to-heart.  We talked about things I never thought would come up: unhappiness.....divorce.  Both of us had been silently angry at each other for a long time.  I think that we just kept it pushed down because on the whole we were happy.  And, frankly, it was easier to not rock the boat.  I was tired of how angry he seemed.  I felt under-appreciated for all I did every day.  I didn't feel that he really cared about me or wanted me anymore.  He, on the other hand, was tired of arguing with me about little things.  I had made him feel emasculated because I never listened - just did what I wanted.  So, he was pulling away.  The talk really helped us get it back together.  We were better after that.  But....nothing had really changed.  I still took care of everything and handled things how I wanted them handled.

Skip forward two years to the end of summer 2013.  Deep inside I'm still feeling like he doesn't care.  That my wants/needs mean little or nothing to him.  I love him, so very much, but there is always a little voice inside my head that says, "how much longer can you go on feeling this way and be happy?"  Somewhere in my mind the word "divorce" still lingered quietly.  And then, unexpectedly and tragically, my sister (and best friend in the whole world) passed away.  I was devastated.  I couldn't function.  How was I going to get thru this alone?  well, I wasn't alone.  The Big Guy stepped up.  His care for me and our family during those days was amazing.  It unlocked something within me.  It was like my eyes were opened to how much he really did love and care about me.  And more than that - that I could trust him to take care about me, which I never had before.  I saw him once more, finally, as a MAN, not just as I guy I love.

That's when it hit me.  If I wanted change I would have to create it.  If I wanted him to treat me different then I would have to treat him differently.  Right around that time I happened to download a Natasha Knight book that featured a little bit of DD.  I think I literally sat straight up, had bells going off in my head, and neon arrows pointing at the words.  Once again, my eyes were wide open.  I've known the type of man I needed all along.  I think I've even known I needed discipline all along.  And I remembered what The Big Guy (TBG) was like when I met him, before I figuratively cut his balls off.  He was that man.  I just had to let him be that man again.  And I had to learn to submit, which while hard, is also such an innate feeling that there are moments I yearn to do it.

So, here we are.  I asked for DD.  He said yes (albeit with some trepidation).  We've been trying since the New Year.  Consistency on both our parts is going to be the hardest.  As much as I feel the need to submit, it's still hard.  I'm used to doing it my way.  And TBG doesn't really feel comfortable with the lecturing/punishment part.  As of now, he won't spank.  I get corner time if I'm punished.  Honestly, I think I need the spanking.

I read lots of people's blogs out here.  I hope that while we're learning our way thru DD that I can create friendships and have people to talk to all this about.  I know I need help!  LOL.  I just think it would be great to share this lifestyle with others.  That way I don't feel alone.  In any case, if you stopped by - thanks!  Hope you come back.